First reaction may not be best for marriage

Iowans who are planning to tie the knot will want to make sure there’s more behind the relationship than just that initial attraction. Marriage counselor John Manz says “If your doctor said, you know, sure we can do this procedure, but you only have a 46-percent chance of success in the next two years, you’d want to think twice and say how necessary is it.” Manz says the divorce rate is high partly because many people get swept away in the romance, without building a solid foundation. “If you were to do an exit interview at the courthouse, stand outside with the people getting divorced they’re probably not go to say ‘the sex was awful, I hated the vacations and the kids drove me crazy.’ They’re probably going to say things like ‘I couldn’t stand her personality or he never talked to me or nothing ever got resolved.'” Manz suggests engaged couples take time to do a premarital assessment or workshop before heading to the altar. Manz says unrealistic images of romance are fed to kids at a young age, adding, “Walt Disney has made multiple billions on telling the story on falling in love and tells it up to the wedding day and doesn’t ever tell you what happened the day after.” Manz says the sparks eventually die down. “The chemical attraction will last, but only for a while. It sooner or later fades and it fades for everyone.” That’s why Manz says perfect marriages aren’t made in heaven, but require a lot of work, like many things in life that are valuable.